Is Bloodsucking Bastards Scary? The Verdict and the Whole Plot
Barely, 3 out of 10. It's a horror comedy about vampires at a sales office, with some jump scares.
🐱THE SCARE SIGNAL
SCARE SCORE
3 /10
🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱
DREAD LEVEL
Low
It is gone when the credits roll.
DOG
Dog: fine
fine, no dog dies.
Ruling: It is a vampire comedy with some jump scares, so watch it with friends and keep your office supplies close.
Bloodsucking Bastards runs 84 minutes and is set around a sales office. Evan loses a promotion to Max, an old college enemy, and soon afterward his coworkers start getting suspiciously productive.
The premise, briefly
Acting sales manager Evan loses a promotion to Max, an old college enemy, and then discovers that his new boss is a vampire who is turning the office into the undead.
How much do you want to know?
🐱
The verdict above is spoiler-free. Everything below, including the ending, stays hidden until you pick a depth.
🐱CUT TO THE CHASE
How it ends
Max snaps Ted's neck, and the vampire coworkers attack. Frank dies fighting the vampires from Legal, and Evan and Amanda kill Max. Evan, Amanda and Tim walk out at dawn, and Andrew bites a cleaning woman who arrives.
The scene you're dreading
The office battle near the end: Evan, Tim and Frank, armed with office supplies, fight a crowd of vampire coworkers, and the legal team arrives as reinforcements. Frank dies in it, and Evan and Amanda are later found covered in blood.
The dog
No dog dies in Bloodsucking Bastards.
Bloodsucking Bastards is a comedy first, and knowing how the office battle goes makes it easy to watch.
THE SHORT VERSION IS HIDDEN
How it ends, the scene you're dreading, what happens to the dog, and the bottom line. About twenty seconds to read.
What actually happens
Evan says "no" in the break room and loses a promotion
Evan Sanders is the acting sales manager at an office that is preparing a presentation for the Phallucite account. He has an awkward moment with Amanda, the head of HR, in the break room, and Tim, his slacker friend, explains to coworkers that Amanda said "I love you" and Evan answered with a flat "no." Branch president Ted Plunkett then passes Evan over for the promotion and gives the sales manager job to Max Phillips. Back in college, Max knew both Evan and Tim, until Evan got him kicked out for sleeping with Evan's girlfriend. The new manager takes over Evan's office, and he also begins flirting with Amanda.
Mike, alone in the office playing video games, is killed in a bathroom stall. His body is gone by the time Evan alerts everyone the next morning. Max secretly turns Dave into a vampire, and Dave starts demanding that everyone pay into the office betting pool. Evan sends Zabeth, who has a crush on him, to the basement for files, and she is attacked and turned. Evan then pushes Andrew to work late with him, and Zabeth attacks Andrew in the basement. In Max's office, Evan finds photos of Amanda and personnel files with marks beside each face. Andrew seems to collapse in front of him, so Evan hides in a supply closet. Max answers Amanda's phone when Evan calls to warn her. In the morning, Andrew comes back as a vampire and presents the finished presentation to the bosses.
Frank's car gets robbed before the staking starts
Evan tries to convince Tim that vampires have taken over the office, and Tim admits he has seen odd things himself, including Max turning the administrative assistant Elaine. Amanda still doesn't believe any of it. Evan and Tim ask the security guard, Frank, for help, and Frank says he saw the same things with Tim. The three go to Frank's car for weapons and find that it has been robbed. Then the janitor reveals he is a vampire and attacks Frank. Frank recovers and stakes him through the heart.
The legal team arrives as reinforcements
Evan, Tim and Frank go back upstairs and find every employee has become a productive vampire. They arm themselves with office supplies and confront Ted, Max and Andrew in Ted's office, where Amanda is also present. Ted admits he knew about the vampires and approved of it because performance had improved. Evan says the files from Max's office show that Max planned to kill Ted, and before Ted can react, Max snaps his neck. This is the scene people dread most, because it starts the office battle near the end. Max and Andrew let the three men and Amanda leave Ted's office, but the vampire employees surround them. After a long fight, every one of the vampire coworkers is dead, and then Max brings in the legal team, who are also vampires, as reinforcements.
The ending, explained
Max compels Amanda to go back to Ted's office and leaves Evan, Tim and Frank to hold off the legal team. Andrew kills Dave because he never liked him, then argues with Tim about how their own faceoff should end. Frank dies fighting the vampires from Legal. Evan goes back to Ted's office, where he and Amanda finally kill Max. Tim finds them covered in blood and kissing in the middle of the wreckage. The three of them calmly walk out as day breaks. Then a cleaning woman arrives at the scene, and Andrew attacks and bites her.
The post-credits ruling
Nobody has confirmed whether Bloodsucking Bastards has a scene after the credits.
✓ Spoiled safelyDog status: fine, no dog dies.
Questions people ask at 1am
Is Bloodsucking Bastards scary?
Barely. Bloodsucking Bastards is a 3 out of 10 with low dread, a horror comedy about vampires in an office that has some jump scares and a fair amount of blood.
How does Bloodsucking Bastards end?
Evan and Amanda kill Max in Ted's office after a long fight, and Frank is killed by the vampires from Legal. Evan, Amanda and Tim walk out at dawn, and Andrew bites a cleaning woman who arrives.
Does the dog die in Bloodsucking Bastards?
No dog dies in Bloodsucking Bastards.
Is there a post-credits scene in Bloodsucking Bastards?
Nobody has confirmed whether Bloodsucking Bastards has a scene after the credits.
Who is the vampire in Bloodsucking Bastards?
Max Phillips, the new sales manager, is the vampire who turns the staff. Ted knew about it and approved because it improved performance, and in Bloodsucking Bastards Max later snaps Ted's neck.
BLURRED FOR YOUR PROTECTION
The whole plot of Bloodsucking Bastards is hidden, ending included. It stays that way until you ask.
You don't need to sit through 84 minutes of Bloodsucking Bastards to learn how the office battle goes. Install Scaredy Cat and the internet's horror gets blurred before you see it.
