What actually happens
A first-floor window above the grass
Alison and Mike Cooper inherit Button House from one of Alison's distant relatives and plan to turn it into a hotel. The house is full of ghosts who died there at different points in history, from prehistoric times to 1993. They can pass through walls but not floors, they can't leave until they move on, and it hurts them when a living person walks through them. They hate the hotel plan and try to haunt the couple out. The scene people dread most comes in the first episode: Julian shoves Alison from a window on the first floor. She lands on the grass, is clinically dead for three minutes, and wakes from a coma two weeks later able to see and hear the ghosts. Mike blames the coma until he sees Julian press a key on a laptop. A doctor who is a ghost confirms it, and the Coopers can't afford to leave, so Alison promises each ghost a favor in return for peace. When a hotel chain makes an offer, builders find a plague pit in the basement and the chain withdraws it.
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A haunted wedding venue with a hangover
With the hotel on hold, the Coopers market Button House as a wedding venue. A photographer catches Fanny in a picture and ghost hunters arrive, so the Coopers charge admission until the trick falls apart. After a night of partying, a hungover Alison has to find Fanny's stuffed dog, Dante, before a wedding planner visits. A bomb in the garden turns out to be a limpet mine the Captain buried years ago. Thomas learns he lost a duel because of his cousin's scheming. Two burglars break in while Mike is alone, and the ghosts try to help by phoning the police while Robin howls for the neighbors' dogs. The first wedding, held in a blizzard, goes ahead, and Pat meets the boy who accidentally caused his death. At Christmas, Julian bonds with a baby and learns his daughter became a Green Party MP.
The half-sister who was not
A documentary crew visits Button House, which leads Humphrey to recall how he was framed for a plot against the queen and lost his head to a pair of swords that fell from the wall. Mike starts a job as an insurance caller, and a young woman named Lucy arrives claiming to be Alison's half-sister. Fumigators send Mary into a panic, and a horror film on the TV frightens Kitty. Kitty's birthday turns into a therapy session about her adoptive sister, and the ghosts learn things about themselves in the process. Fanny is found to be carrying on a secret affair with Humphrey's body, which ends badly for his head. The ghosts finally prove Lucy is a con artist who faked a photograph of Alison's father, and Alison and Mike expose her before she gets any money. At Christmas the Coopers find a man named Nicholas camping on their land, and Kitty decides he must be Santa Claus.
A stuffed bear and the wrong tree
The Coopers shelve the main house and open a bed and breakfast in the gatehouse. Mary suddenly ascends into the afterlife, and the ghosts have to grieve. Robin helps by telling them that he names a star after every ghost who leaves the land, and he names one for Mary. Mike brings home a giant stuffed bear from an auction, and Robin is terrified, because a bear killed two of his friends on a hunt and lightning killed him in a tree. When a storm hits and Mike shelters under that same tree, Robin runs out and draws the lightning onto himself. His real name is Rogh. The gatehouse is then struck by lightning and catches fire, and everyone stares at the wreckage. At Christmas the ghosts rehearse a pantomime of Cinderella, and Alison cheers up Pat with videos his son made after his death.
An apology Julian refuses to give
After an April Fools prank war, Alison tells Mike she is pregnant. To raise money for the baby, the Coopers try to sell land to a golf resort, and Mike gets locked in a safe with their neighbor Barclay, who then agrees to a fair price. The ghosts investigate how Kitty died and learn that a venomous spider hiding in a pineapple gift was the culprit. On the day Annie moved on, Robin predicts that another ghost will ascend before midnight, and the Captain finally explains how he died. The resort company then offers to buy the whole house, and Alison nearly accepts after overhearing Julian admit he caused her fall. He says he is ashamed but does not regret it, because it enriched her life and the ghosts' afterlives, so she turns the offer down.
The ending, explained
Alison and Mike have baby Mia and cannot shift Mike's mother Betty, who came to help seven weeks ago. Betty catches the ghosts on the baby monitor, decides the house is haunted and brings a priest to perform an exorcism, which has no effect. The ghosts conclude they have interfered in the Coopers' lives as much as Betty has, and they talk the couple into accepting the hotel firm's offer. Decades afterward, Button House is an upscale hotel with a sauna in the basement, which the plague ghosts love. An elderly Alison and Mike check into their usual suite, which they have visited every year, and Alison greets the ghosts again as she walks in.
The post-credits ruling
There is no post-credits scene. You can leave when the credits start.
✓ Spoiled safelyDog status: fine, no dog dies.
Questions people ask at 1am
Is Ghosts scary?
No. Ghosts is a 1 out of 10 with low dread. It is a sitcom about a haunted house, and the ghosts spend most of their time arguing with the living couple.
How does Ghosts end?
Alison and Mike sell Button House to a hotel firm at the ghosts' urging. Decades later, an elderly Alison and Mike visit the hotel every year, and Alison greets the ghosts in the suite.
Does the dog die in Ghosts?
No dog dies in Ghosts. A stuffed dog is damaged in one episode as a joke, and a pigeon is killed by a dog in another but comes back as a ghost in the next.
Is there a post-credits scene in Ghosts?
No. Ghosts has no post-credits scene, so you can leave when the credits start.
Why can Alison see the ghosts in Ghosts?
Alison was clinically dead for three minutes after Julian pushed her out of a window. In Ghosts that near-death experience is what lets her see and hear the ghosts.
